IDE-O-MATIC

To whoever finds this, I am sorry. I don’t know who you are, and I doubt you will know who I am. Let me say this first, if nothing else. The rest of this is an explanation. I hope you find comfort in my sincere apologies for what I have done.

I am a writer, but not a very good one. You see, reader, I have never been one for writing fiction, but I have milked all my life experiences for all their worth.

I got this crazy idea in my head that I could write fiction, but without anything to go on mindwise, I was at a loss. I just stared at my pad of paper and I watched the ink leak from my pen.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I went to a mall that all my troubles were both solved then started over with fresh ones. You see, my poor reader, I found a discarded newspaper on a bench in front of the taco stand where I had placed my order. I love tacos, but probably a bit much.

But let me try not to digress too much. As I waited for my order to be up, I grew bored. The newspaper looked filthy, and the idea of touching it repulsed me. Though that soon changed; the longer I sat there and looked at it, the more my curiosity urged me to read it.

I wish I hadn’t, because what I did with the information it had to offer changed the whole world. Yes, the world.

The paper was open to the Classifieds, and I quickly spotted an ad that I knew to be too good to be true. However, I was desperate and willing to try anything.

IDE-O-MATIC! PROBLEMS COMING UP WHAT THAT NEW PRESENTATION? WANT TO WRITE THE PERFECT PAPER, BUT DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA? TRY IDE-O-MATIC TODAY!

The picture made me think of some ‘60s science fiction devices. It was a hideous device with an array of buttons and a mess of antennae. Again, I was desperate, and had the fifty dollars to spare to try this device.

When I arrived back at my house, I sent off for this device. Much to my delight, it arrived not but a week later. It was just as scary as the picture portrayed it to be. The instructions were short and simple: Turn on, Relax, Sleep, Dream, and Write.

I followed these stupidly simple instructions, and the next morning woke up with an idea in my mind. I wrote a story about a great technological nation that was nearly destroyed when a great flood wiped out most of their population and electronics. It then got worse when their power plants—all nuclear reactors—started leaking radiation.

I’m sure that by now you realize this is all about Japan and the tsunami, but when I wrote this, it simply hadn’t happened yet.

It wasn’t long before I wanted to write again, so I used the device, and came up with another great idea. This time, it was the story of how a massive tornado outbreak tore apart the lives of a good many cities. It was a touching story, but ultimately tragic.

This, as I hope you are aware, was the April tornado outbreak. Again, when I wrote this none of it had happened yet. I wrote about children dying! How could I?

So, as I said in the beginning of this letter, I am sorry. I am not just sorry because I wrote about these horrible tragedies. My main lament is that once I used the device, the ideas tore at me—mind and body—until I finished writing them.

I wish I could have stopped myself, but all I could think about after using the device was writing the story. It was as if that was all that mattered to my body. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Eventually I broke down and wrote them, graphic details and all.

Now, I am sure you noticed I called these ideas ‘great’ before. Maybe that was a bit unexplained on my part. You see, when I started with these, the ideas seemed wonderful. As I began to write, though, I began to visualize gory images and graphically explicit scenes. That was when I discovered what not writing would do to me.

That is not the other reason that I am sorry. I have only recently put what I have written and what has happened in reality together. I also believe it is a bit late for that.

I am sorry, dear reader. I used the device one last time, and I can’t hold off writing any longer. I just cannot get this image of a large meteor out of my mind.